Sunday, September 26, 2010

Beloved

09.21.02

Until today, I was convinced that within my soul,
there was both the lovely and the unlovable...

that the lovely smiled continuously, understood always,
provided wisdom often, and sinned little...
and that the unlovable ached horribly,
failed miserably, and sobbed perpetually...

two identities that - working together -
set out to accomplish one goal...
to convince the world that neither existed.

Lovely has no need for the ugliness and disgrace,
that comes from the unlovable...
and the unlovable will stop at nothing,
to destroy all that might bring hope.

What I was given today came from someone,
that neither of these characters know too well...
The Lover...

who said to me..."I love you,"
and I replied..."but you don't really know me,"
"I love you" said the Lover...
but I said..."I've done these terrible things,"

"I love you" He said looking through me...
weeping, I covered my face with my hands - hoping to shield myself,
from His passionate pursuit...
"I love you" stabbed me again...
and I crumbled.

Lovely, with all of its lies,
its false hopes and misplaced trust -
was destroyed...

Unlovable, with its pessimistic perception of truth,
and its endless supply of guilt and shame -
was obliterated by grace...

and as my palms filled with tears...
I felt His arms envelop me...
and for the first time I realized that only two were left...

He was there...
He's here with me now...
He always has been - always will be...
the Lover...

and of course there's me...
no longer hiding...
no longer scared...
His beloved!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

this desert place

Romans 10
5For Moses writes about the righteousness that is based on the law, that the person who does the commandments shall live by them. 6But the righteousness based on faith says,"Do not say in your heart, 'Who will ascend into heaven?'" (that is, to bring Christ down) 7or "'Who will descend into the abyss?'" (that is, to bring Christ up from the dead). 8But what does it say? "The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart" (that is, the word of faith that we proclaim); 9because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.

Galatians 3
21Is the law, therefore, opposed to the promises of God? Absolutely not! For if a law had been given that could impart life, then righteousness would certainly have come by the law. 22But the Scripture declares that the whole world is a prisoner of sin, so that what was promised, being given through faith in Jesus Christ, might be given to those who believe.
23Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. 24So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. 25Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law.

I love that verse 24 says the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ. What a 180 from how our culture sees law and adapts law. The law - first of all NOT the law of God, but law of the land - is a threat, a deterrent that attempts to skirt the loose moral guidelines we claim to agree on. It stands outside the blurry line of society's right and wrong and attempts to make a boundary that is non-offensive to the largest majority.Therefore, to "adapt" Paul's words to today's structure - the law puts us in charge of leading ourselves.

Additionally, I find such hope in the Romans passage where Paul quotes Deuteronomy to remind us that "the word in near you, in your mouth and in your heart." What a great reminder that though we may find the will power to follow the rules today, it is empty if we are not in the Word, if Christ is not the center. Would that I could ooze that confidence in Him.

I need to make Him my center. I need to be found in Him if I am to find myself above the waterline, breathing at all - floating, not fighting the waves. I need Him.

Christ, give me you. Only you can change hearts, reform and redeem me from this desert place. Find me here.